Owning Property – Fear
Here’s the thing, owning property, signing leases anything that makes me commit to staying in one place isn’t comfortable for me. But then I was reading a house blog – can’t find the source now – and the woman was talking about all the places she lived. And that she had come to the realization it’s because she was running away. Interesting. I analyzed my own life. Yup, I think that is a lot of it. I am in a place too long and I just feel the need to escape, flee, run. I start up somewhere new and it’s good but then I start to get to know people and again feel the need to flee. I am not sure where that comes from. Or why I feel that. But it’s like an instant fresh start.
But…… on Grey’s Anatomy – still one of my favorite shows though we’ll see since my favorite character/soul mate is no longer on it – had a very applicable quote. It basically goes along the lines of you can change your circumstances but you are the constant, what didn’t work the first time, won’t work the second time or third time unless you change yourself. Wise words. Seriously that show has so many wise words of wisdom for life but I digress.
So why now? Why when I’m in a job I hate? When I don’t feel like Regina is home?
Because I need a place to call mine. rentals aren’t cutting it. I want my own place. I want to paint my walls and hang things on the walls. I want to put up wallpaper or renovate a room that isn’t working or get appliances that aren’t the bottom of the barrel. I want a space that is mine.
And at the end of the day, it is just property, it can be sold, it can be bought. It makes it more complicated, but maybe it’s time I try establishing some roots. Not just little surface roots but big rhubarb type of roots – cause those are hard to kill those SOBs – believe me I have tried! Maybe root establishing won’t be so bad. Maybe not running away will be good.
Time will tell.
In the meantime, I’m little surprise how excited I am about the place. It’s a condo (something I said I would never do – which why I don’t use that word anymore – that never word. Always bites me in the behind). But it’s in a heritage building. It’s downtown. It has hardwood floors (woo hoo – oh how I have missed hardwood floors!), it’s open. It has everything that was must a few on my would be really nice list. It need some love and care and some work to make it mine. But I keep finding myself anxious to move, anxious to have it and even more so since it’s now official. And it’s off MLS so I can’t look at it five times a day.
So I’ll see how this ride goes!