Facing Fear

So what is this all about? Well it’s a bit of a story, so grab your beverage of choice and get comfortable!

A couple of weeks ago I was making plans to go to Cuba with a friend. For personal reasons, she had to back out. I couldn’t give my vacation back as the work schedule had already been turned allsorts of upside downs and sideways and it wasn’t as simple me saying I want my shifts back without disrupting four other people’s schedules. So I decided I have 10 days to go anywhere in the world, where should I go.

I have always wanted to go to the Orient – Thailand, Vietnam, Bali, Singapore – really anywhere in there. I started researching and I talked myself out of it. I gave myself good excuses – too expensive, not enough time, but when I say very still and thought about it, the real reason jumped out at me. Fear.

This was naturally a surprise to myself. I don’t consider myself a fearful person, but then I pondered that and you know, I think I have been fearful. I have limited experiences because of fear.

I haven’t joined a yoga class because I fear all the skinny girls will laugh at the fat girl in the room. I haven’t signed up for a cooking class because I fear everyone will look down at me and my poor cooking skills. I haven’t gone to high tea at Hotel Sask because I fear I won’t be high society enough. I haven’t signed up for a photo walk because I fear everyone will make fun of my photos. I don’t do spa things besides facials and pedicures because I fear the massage therapists will talk to all her friends about this hippo she had to give a massage to. I haven’t gone to that aquasize class because of fear everyone will look at me and cringe. I didn’t book that trip to Thailand because I fear looking stupid because I don’t know the customs/language. I didn’t apply for that job because I fear what if I did get it?

Fear.

Huh.

Then I start thinking of all the things I could do if I wasn’t fearful. Then what if I started conquering this fear. So this is my chronicle of conquering fear. I may write frequently, or it may be infrequent. I’ve made a list of things that I have been too fearful to do. And I am going to see how many I can scratch off my list before January 20, 2015.

I have to admit I am curious to see how it’s going to go.

One response to “Facing Fear”

  1. Mel forsyth says:

    A counselor once told me that the root of all “bad” emotions are fear. True words! Fear controls all of us in more ways than we want to face. I have faced a lot of fears in the past year. You know what I have learned : there is nothing more fearful than fear itself. I don’t know if that makes sense to you. To me it means, facing it isn’t as bad as the fear of facing it. We spend so much time avoiding fear and pain. We need to be more willing to embrace it-head on!!!!
    Good on Ya Tara! January 20th has come and gone. How did you make out?
    Love u girl!

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